Happy Valentine’s Day! We are halfway through Love Month and today I want to talk about love languages and how they relate to self-knowledge.



Have you read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? Do you know your primary and secondary love languages? Take the quiz to find out.



Disclaimer: I don’t highly recommend this book. I bought it, read it and at the end was wanting to tear out the last 20% of the book. The author is super religious and that rubs me the wrong way. That being said, I LOVE the concepts in the book. So if you’d like to get what you need without having to read the book – check out this episode of the Buy The Book podcast.  Kristin and Jolenta break it down with a lot of humor and hit all the necessary points perfectly.


What is The Five Love Languages and why does it matter?

I will start with why it matters. As I said here, the best way to build habits and routines that work is through self-knowledge. What works for me might not work for you. What we need and how we respond to the world is different based on who we are as people. So the love languages gives us another piece of the self-knowledge puzzle.



Specifically why the love languages matters is because your love language is how you feel love and in turn most likely how you show love to others. This matters because what makes you tick is different from what makes me or your partner or sister or BFF tick.


The five love languages are:


Words of Affirmations (or as I like to call it, GOLD STARS). This is my primary love language. I am driven by genuine, specific compliments. Encouraging words what gets me going in the morning.  It makes my heart sing to hear how great you think I am doing and I love being acknowledged. This is my husband’s secondary love language, so he also digs compliments and gold stars. Compliments make WOA folks feel loved.


Acts of Service (or as I like to call it, Getting Shit Done). This is my husband’s primary love language. That dude is always doing stuff around the house, at work, for others. He shows how much he loves you by doing all the yard work, washing the car and putting all the groceries away.  I get it! This is my secondary language. I am a fan of helping people do unpleasant tasks like cleaning out their closets and reading endless rounds of copy for their website. For a full love experience, just wrap it up with a compliment and genuine appreciation at the end. For the Acts of Service folks to feel love, you have to do stuff for them!


Quality Time (or as I like to call it, Asses in the Seats). If this is your love language you value time with your people. You always want to be doing stuff with them. You could be running errands at Target or IKEA or seeing your favorite band.  You want to spend time at a cabin and sit by them while you read a book. You just want your peeps to be nearby. For QT people,  you have to show up and stick around for them to feel loved.


Physical Touch (or as I like to call it Snuggling and Cuddling) – This is one is super straightforward. You like to hold hands when you walk together places, you like to hug, you want to put your feet in your partner’s lap or have them rub your head. Big bear hugs, massages and touch make PT people feel loved.


Receiving Gifts – (or as I like to call it, The Generous Ones) – These folks are the best gift givers in the world. They always send the most thoughtful gifts. If you are on the receiving end of a Gifts person, know that in order for them to feel loved, they need to get gifts too! The gifts don’t have to be expensive, just well thought out.


Knowing your love language and ultimately all about YOU will help you build a more personalized self-care plan. Knowing the love languages of your friends, partner and kids will help you express love toward them the way they best feel it. When you share your love language with the people in your life, hopefully they will show you love the way you feel it best.


Want to learn more about personalized self-care and how to put it to work in your life?


Your Invitation to Work With Me



Self-Care SOS is a three month program where we work one-on-one to get your habits and routines on track. If you are someone who needs accountability and guidance to make your self-care a priority, I am here to help.


Please schedule your Are We a Good Fit Session today!