Where Do You Get Your Energy?

Time is finite. We only get 168 hours each week. That’s why it is important to understand where you are spending your life hours. Once time is gone, it is gone.

 

Either you make your priorities fit into your schedule or you don’t.

 

But what about energy?

 

 

Energy can be renewable, flexible, infinite (up to a point).

 

 

We need to know where our energy comes from and learn how to manage it.

 

So many people say they don’t have enough time for self-care or living with intention. I would argue that what they are really feeling is a lack of energy and a lack of priorities.

 

Do you know where you get your energy?

 

Are you someone who is revved up after a party where you talked to a lot of people? Or would you rather have one deep conversation at the party?

 

Are you quick on your feet or do you need some time to gather your thoughts before you feel ready to answer?

 

After spending a day alone do you feel drained or energized?

 

If you answered yes to the first parts of these questions – you might be an extrovert. Contrary to popular belief, extroversion has nothing to do with being outgoing. It simply means you get your energy from spending time with other people.

 

If you answered yes to the second parts of the questions – you might be an introvert. Contrary to popular belief, introversion has nothing to do with being shy. It simply means you get your energy from spending time alone.

 

I bring this up because so many people – including me – have confused me as being an extrovert because of my outgoing nature.

 

If you are somewhere in the middle, you might be an ambivert – a bit of both.

 

Why does it matter?

 

If matters because unlike time which is finite, you can make more energy depending on what activities you engage in throughout your days.

 

For example, I was utterly exhausted at the end of every single day I spent as a classroom teacher. I was surrounded by 20-35 students all day long and constantly having to move from activity to activity if I was ready or not. Most of the time I felt like a broken electrical line in a windstorm being repeatedly smacked on the ground. I was a frazzled and exhausted.

 

Now that I work from home, alone most of the day and when I am in contact with others, diving deep into meaningful conversations I feel energized at the end of my day. I have the energy to do the stuff in my life that needs to be done because I have managed my energy throughout the day.

 

Before I learned about my temperament, on weekends where I had a lot of plans – parties, lots of socializing with acquaintances, etc. I would feel like I needed a vacation from my weekend.

 

Now that I know I thrive after time spent alone, I make sure to prioritize that into my self-care plan.

 

Self-knowledge gives us the tools to make self-care decisions based on who you are and what makes you tick.

 

If you’d like to learn if you are an extrovert, introvert or ambivert, check out the quiz over at Quiet Revolution.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What To Do When The Shit Hits the Fan

What To Do When The Shit Hits the Fan

Yesterday marked the third anniversary of my mom’s death. Three years living without my mom. Three years parenting without my mom. Three years of me coming to terms with being someone who lives with grief.

 

 

Here’s one of the secrets about grief: it changes, but never really disappears.

 

 

When someone who has loved you the longest dies, that’s when the shit hits the fan.

 

I remember the exact moment I found out she died.

 

 

My daughter and I were just about to leave our weekly playdate with Candace and her kids. We were going home for nap time and to wait for papa to come home so I could get some work done. I was super thankful to have spent the morning with another mama and her boys letting the kids get dirty, explore, run and fight it out. I was also ready to head home for some quiet time.

 

 

My phone, in my hand as usual, lit up and caught my attention. Too many notifications, I thought to myself as I casually looked down to see the transcribed voicemail from my brother.

 

 

In that moment, I felt a momentary spark of clarity about the direction of my life and then the shock of blinding pain as if I’d been cracked across my nose with a two by four.

 

 

My mom was dead.

 

 

 

What now? What do you do when the shit hits the fan?

 

 

The answer then as it is now: self-care.

 

 

That day, self-care looked like letting Candace feed me and my daughter lunch from her garden. I wasn’t really hungry – the shock turned quickly to numbness – but Candace reminded me what I already knew. I needed to feed and tend to myself so I could still get up in the morning to take care of my daughter.

 

 

 

I needed extra rest and sleep so I could get up in the morning. I needed quiet time and alone time so I could get up in the morning. I needed to be so tender with myself so I could get up in the morning. I needed to allow people to help me so I could get up in the morning. I needed to allow myself to feel the pain of losing my mom and be ok with whatever form grief took.

 

 

In short, I needed deep self-care.

 

 

Three years in and I will say I am still deeply moved with every anniversary, every birthday and every holiday.

 

 

That means each March, I set aside time to grieve however it shows up. Each 4th of July, I bake a treat so my little family can light candles and say nice things about my mom before we eat.  The holidays bring forth their own set of feelings of loss.

 

 

Each of these times, I rely on self-care to get me through.

 

 

Now that I am a few years out from acute grief, I can feel it coming on – almost like a cold. And just like when I feel a cold coming on, I double down on my self-care.

 

 

What will you do when the shit hits the fan?

 

 

 

Related posts:

Grief and Coming Out of Hiding

Two Key Components of Living Through Loss

The Sassy Agnostic Girl’s Guide to Loss and Grief Resources

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Non-Negotiable Morning Self-Care Routine

My Non-Negotiable Morning Self-Care Routine

Happy Love Month. This is a perfect time to think about how to be more loving to ourselves. And nothing says self-love like self-care!

 

I believe how you start your day sets the tone for the rest of your day. I believe that how you live your days, you live your life.

 

That said, what do I do to start my day?

 

My Morning Routine:

 

Reflection – (two minutes) – I keep a spreadsheet of questions in my phone. So many people have laughed when they hear this! I use a spreadsheet so I never have the excuse of not being able to find my journal or a pen, or of having bad penmanship.  I ask myself the same questions every day and have for years. I have a running record of my answers over the years.

 

Attention – (two minutes) – I glance at my calendar and see where I might run into obstacles. I make a plan B and jot my idea in my spreadsheet. This helps me anticipate where I might get tripped up in the day and having a plan allows me to make better decisions.

 

Intention – (two minutes) – I decide how I want to feel for the day and write it down. I check in with my word of the year. Do these align? What adjustments will I make to feel the way I want to feel in my life?

 

Gratitude – (three-five minutes) – I write down at least five things I am grateful for and why. Here’s a piece I wrote called How To: Make Yourself Happier The Easy Way. 

 

Meditation – (10-20 minutes) – Headspace – I have been an almost daily user since 2013. Go here for tips to start or maintain a meditation practice or the science behind why everyone should be meditating daily.

 

Breakfast and tea– (5-15 minutes) – I love breakfast: eggs, burritos, oatmeal, soup, leftovers from dinner, avocado toast, green smoothies, I love it all!

 

Movement – (20-60 minutes) – I have to move my body or I get sad and irritable. I wish it wasn’t so, but there is no denying the benefits of movement. I sprinkle movement throughout my day. For yoga movement I am a Curvy Yoga subscriber, for my fitness needs I am a Trainer in Your Back Pocket subscriber and for cardio I love to bounce on my rebounder or walk and talk with a friend or client. I walk errands, stretch while watching TV and make it a point to move 7 days a week. Movement for me isn’t about looking a certain way, it is about feeling good in my body regardless of size or shape. It is a long term investment in my longevity. I’m banking on this exercise keeping me mobile well into my 70s and 80s (and maybe beyond)!

 

Everything except movement gets done first thing in the morning. My self-care morning routine is absolutely non-negotiable.

 

You’ve got to wake up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction. —George Lorimer

 

Ready to make some changes in your morning routine?

 

 

Your Invitation to Work With Me

 

 

Self-Care SOS is a three month program where we work one-on-one to get your habits and routines on track. If you are someone who needs accountability and guidance to make your self-care a priority, I am here to help.

 

Please schedule your Are We a Good Fit Session today!

 

How to Build Healthy Habits and Routines

How to Build Healthy Habits and Routines

I believe deeply in the power of self-care. I believe each day is a chance of a new beginning.

 

I believe that anchoring the day with habits and rituals to care for our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual bodies will get us a lot closer to our dream life than guzzling coffee to start the day and drinking too many glasses of wine to before bed.

 

How do we build the habits we want and move away from the ones we don’t?

 

I am a big believer in self-knowledge as a tool to creating habits.  Once you know how you respond to expectations from yourself and others, you can then build your habits based on that knowledge.

 

Do you easily meet expectations you set for yourself? For instance, do you decide you want to take up running and then just do it? You might be an Upholder.

 

Do you easily meet expectations others set for you? For instance, you join a training group and never miss a practice because others are relying on you? You might be an Obliger. (Lots of my clients are Obligers).

 

Are you someone who can easily do things that make sense to you and can’t be bothered with things that don’t? For instance, you can make a plan and stick to training once you are convinced it is right for you. You might be a Questioner (like me).

 

Or are you someone who has a hard time keeping up with things you wanted to do and aren’t interested in others telling you what to do?  You might be a Rebel.

 

Are you curious to find out which Tendency you are and how to best build new habits based on that self-knowledge? Take the Quiz here.

 

 

Your Invitation to Work With Me

 

 

Self-Care SOS is a three month program where we work one-on-one to get your habits and routines on track. If you are someone who needs accountability and guidance to make your self-care a priority, I am here to help.

 

Please schedule your Are We a Good Fit Session today!