How to Have The Best Summer Ever

How to Have The Best Summer Ever

Summer is upon us folks and I don’t know about you, but I like to make the most of the season. With both the kiddo and my husband out of school for two months and not a lot of structure, we go crazy without our Summer of Intentionality aka How to Have the Best Summer Ever.

 

 

Rosie Molinary introduced me to The Summer of Intentionality years ago. The long and short of it is each summer we make a list of fun things to do, books to read and things to learn. For our family these lists give us just the right amount of structure to our time away from the school year and a chance to keep learning and growing.

The RULES:

— The to-do list must be FUN stuff. Things you actually want to do.

— Once your list is made, you have to actually commit them to the calendar so they will happen.

— Go into your Summer of Intentionality with the idea that this is a starting point: you can change your lists at any time and you do NOT have to complete everything on the list.

 

— Even if you have a full time job, you can still do a Summer of Intentionality! Your lists might be shorter than mine, but there is still time to have the best summer ever!

 

The intention behind this exercise for my family is so we aren’t all consumed with screen time and complaining about how hot it is every day. Instead our days are filled with fun, reading and learning.

Curious about our past Summer of Intentionality lists? You can find them here.

 

What do you want to do, read and learn this summer?

 

 

 

 

A class for those of us who are always putting self-care off.

In this 6 week class we will focus on self-care 101. Each week we will focus on a different area of self-care, make a plan and hold each other accountable.

This class is perfect for:

  • Parents who have put self-care on the back burner because of kids.
  • Women who work for themselves (and never seem to stop)
  • People who put everyone else’s needs in front of their own.This class will be on-line so you can be anywhere in the world.

 

 

The sessions will be recorded and sent after each class.

 

SIGN UP NOW!

 

 

Do You Have Questions?

Do You Have Questions?

What is Deferred Maintenance?

It is a 6 week online Self-Care 101 course.  We will learn about the four quadrants of self-care, practice my most life-changing self-care mindset and write new self-care plans while having support and accountability of a group so we can actually make these plans happen.

 

Why is this class called Deferred Maintenance?

So many people put off self-care that it reminded me of how so many people put off taking care of their house. Over time the house starts to show signs that it isn’t being well cared for and so do we.  This class is a kick start into getting your personal maintenance back on track.

 

When does enrollment end for Deferred Maintenance? 

Class starts June 20th. Enrollment ends June 19th.

 

You’ll want to sign up before Memorial Day, May 28th in order to get your 30 minute BONUS one-on-one session with me with your early pricing of $347.

 

After June 2nd price goes up to $399.

 

Do I get personalized support + access to you?

Yes! I will be asking for feedback every week via email and in our secret Facebook group. You are encouraged to ask questions and to get help where you need it.

 

What does the class cost?

Before Memorial Day – May 28th – class is just $347 (plus you get a BONUS 30 minute private one-on-one phone session with me)

After June 2nd, the price goes up to $399.

 

I’m not a parent – is this class still for me?

Yes! This class idea came to me while I was teaching a self-care class to preschool parents, but ANYONE who has a habit of putting off what they know they need to do in terms of self-care are welcome.

 

What if I enroll and it’s not a fit? 

You have until June 27th to request a refund. All you have to do is show that you’ve completed all the work for week one.

 

What if I have to miss a class or I live in a different time zone? Not to worry! All sessions are being recorded and all your questions will be addressed. You will get to ask questions before the call via email or in our secret Facebook group.

 

What if I am an introvert?

Me too! All classes are recorded online, so no one has to leave their house.

 

What if this sounds good except for the part about other people?

If you’d like to work with me one-on-one, that can be arranged. I offer Self Care SOS Sessions and Life Satisfaction Sessions for my one-on-one clients. Click here for details and to set up an Are We A Good Fit Call.

 

A class for those of us who are always putting self-care off.

In this 6 week class we will focus on self-care 101. Each week we will focus on a different area of self-care, make a plan and hold each other accountable.

This class is perfect for:

  • Parents who have put self-care on the back burner because of kids.
  • Women who work for themselves (and never seem to stop)
  • People who put everyone else’s needs in front of their own.This class will be on-line so you can be anywhere in the world.

 

 

The sessions will be recorded and sent after each class.

 

 

$347 until 6/1/18

Sign up before Memorial Day at you get a 30 minute BONUS one-on-one session with me

$399 after 6/2

SIGN UP NOW!

 

 

Deferred Maintenance: For Those Of Us Who Always Put Self-Care Last

Deferred Maintenance: For Those Of Us Who Always Put Self-Care Last

The first time I heard this phrase – deferred maintenance – it was in reference to a dilapidated house for sale which,  despite its jankiness,  was still well out of my price range.

 

The seasoned real estate agent said, “Once we are under contract we’ll get the inspector out to see what the real damage is and get an idea how much it will cost to get this house livable again.”

 

I was NOT impressed.

 

Who decides to just let their house go like that?

Why didn’t they just call a roofer and get it taken care of?

Couldn’t they see the weeds sprouting out of the gutters and the cracks in the pavement?

What were these people doing instead of taking care of their house?

 

Fast forward almost 20 years – and a home purchase + a kid of my own – and now I get it.

 

 

The people deferring maintenance on their house were busy: having babies, raising kids, getting laid off, starting new careers, burying their parents – the complicated stuff of life that gets in the way of taking care of what’s right in front of our eyes.

 

Every once in a while there is a time when things are clear and we’re able to look around to assess the damage caused by neglect and to start to build plans to get that house, that life, back into shape once again.

 

 

Hopefully this happens before you have to sell the house because you’ve lost the spouse to death or divorce, but rather in a lull in between major life events.

 

 

 

Look up when times are boring, uneventful, and take stock of what’s happened since the last major life event and see what you can do before the next.

 

 

 

Our lives (and selves), like our houses, also need to be tended to between happenings.

 

 

When was the last time you took stock of your self-care?

Have you been deferring maintenance on YOU?

 

 

NEW CLASS ALERT!

A class for those of us who are always putting self-care off.

In this 6 week class we will focus on self-care 101. Each week we will focus on a different area of self-care, make a plan and hold each other accountable.

This class is perfect for:

  • Parents who have put self-care on the back burner because of kids.
  • Women who work for themselves (and never seem to stop)
  • People who put everyone else’s needs in front of their own.This class will be on-line so you can be anywhere in the world.

 

 

The sessions will be recorded and sent after each class.

 

 

$347 until 6/1/18

Sign up before Memorial Day at you get a 30 minute BONUS one-on-one session with me

$399 after 6/2

SIGN UP NOW!

 

 

8 Things I Learned in April

8 Things I Learned in April

Inspired by Modern Mrs. Darcy, here are 8 Things I Learned In April.

 

ONE:: How to Not (Accidentally) Raise a Racist – Such a great conversation for white folks to hear and start having with those around them.

 

TWO::  Positivity ratio matters.  You can measure your level of positivity.

 

THREE::  Some of my favorite new friends are REBELS. What are you?

 

FOUR::  So many of the people around me are 3s and 4s. Does this mean I am attracting these sorts to me? Or is this a coincidence?

 

FIVE:: Asthma is new part of my life. I’m just at the beginning of figuring out how to best care for myself long term.

 

SIX:: Starting a house project was way less energy consuming than worrying about starting the project. I’ve learned this lesson before. I think I should probably make some sort of reminder about this lesson. Tattoo perhaps?

 

SEVEN::  Asking for help from people who are qualified to give said help is nothing short of miraculous. I am letting someone else show their expertise and they get to shine. Then with all the time (and energy) I am saving from trying to do stuff I’m not great at, I get to spend my time doing what I do well. This is a win win!

 

EIGHT::  Weekly neighborhood potlucks are delightful and surprisingly easy to coordinate.

 

What did you learn in April?

Where Do You Get Your Energy?

Where Do You Get Your Energy?

Time is finite. We only get 168 hours each week. That’s why it is important to understand where you are spending your life hours. Once time is gone, it is gone.

 

Either you make your priorities fit into your schedule or you don’t.

 

But what about energy?

 

 

Energy can be renewable, flexible, infinite (up to a point).

 

 

We need to know where our energy comes from and learn how to manage it.

 

So many people say they don’t have enough time for self-care or living with intention. I would argue that what they are really feeling is a lack of energy and a lack of priorities.

 

Do you know where you get your energy?

 

Are you someone who is revved up after a party where you talked to a lot of people? Or would you rather have one deep conversation at the party?

 

Are you quick on your feet or do you need some time to gather your thoughts before you feel ready to answer?

 

After spending a day alone do you feel drained or energized?

 

If you answered yes to the first parts of these questions – you might be an extrovert. Contrary to popular belief, extroversion has nothing to do with being outgoing. It simply means you get your energy from spending time with other people.

 

If you answered yes to the second parts of the questions – you might be an introvert. Contrary to popular belief, introversion has nothing to do with being shy. It simply means you get your energy from spending time alone.

 

I bring this up because so many people – including me – have confused me as being an extrovert because of my outgoing nature.

 

If you are somewhere in the middle, you might be an ambivert – a bit of both.

 

Why does it matter?

 

If matters because unlike time which is finite, you can make more energy depending on what activities you engage in throughout your days.

 

For example, I was utterly exhausted at the end of every single day I spent as a classroom teacher. I was surrounded by 20-35 students all day long and constantly having to move from activity to activity if I was ready or not. Most of the time I felt like a broken electrical line in a windstorm being repeatedly smacked on the ground. I was a frazzled and exhausted.

 

Now that I work from home, alone most of the day and when I am in contact with others, diving deep into meaningful conversations I feel energized at the end of my day. I have the energy to do the stuff in my life that needs to be done because I have managed my energy throughout the day.

 

Before I learned about my temperament, on weekends where I had a lot of plans – parties, lots of socializing with acquaintances, etc. I would feel like I needed a vacation from my weekend.

 

Now that I know I thrive after time spent alone, I make sure to prioritize that into my self-care plan.

 

Self-knowledge gives us the tools to make self-care decisions based on who you are and what makes you tick.

 

If you’d like to learn if you are an extrovert, introvert or ambivert, check out the quiz over at Quiet Revolution.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What To Do When The Shit Hits the Fan

What To Do When The Shit Hits the Fan

Yesterday marked the third anniversary of my mom’s death. Three years living without my mom. Three years parenting without my mom. Three years of me coming to terms with being someone who lives with grief.

 

 

Here’s one of the secrets about grief: it changes, but never really disappears.

 

 

When someone who has loved you the longest dies, that’s when the shit hits the fan.

 

I remember the exact moment I found out she died.

 

 

My daughter and I were just about to leave our weekly playdate with Candace and her kids. We were going home for nap time and to wait for papa to come home so I could get some work done. I was super thankful to have spent the morning with another mama and her boys letting the kids get dirty, explore, run and fight it out. I was also ready to head home for some quiet time.

 

 

My phone, in my hand as usual, lit up and caught my attention. Too many notifications, I thought to myself as I casually looked down to see the transcribed voicemail from my brother.

 

 

In that moment, I felt a momentary spark of clarity about the direction of my life and then the shock of blinding pain as if I’d been cracked across my nose with a two by four.

 

 

My mom was dead.

 

 

 

What now? What do you do when the shit hits the fan?

 

 

The answer then as it is now: self-care.

 

 

That day, self-care looked like letting Candace feed me and my daughter lunch from her garden. I wasn’t really hungry – the shock turned quickly to numbness – but Candace reminded me what I already knew. I needed to feed and tend to myself so I could still get up in the morning to take care of my daughter.

 

 

 

I needed extra rest and sleep so I could get up in the morning. I needed quiet time and alone time so I could get up in the morning. I needed to be so tender with myself so I could get up in the morning. I needed to allow people to help me so I could get up in the morning. I needed to allow myself to feel the pain of losing my mom and be ok with whatever form grief took.

 

 

In short, I needed deep self-care.

 

 

Three years in and I will say I am still deeply moved with every anniversary, every birthday and every holiday.

 

 

That means each March, I set aside time to grieve however it shows up. Each 4th of July, I bake a treat so my little family can light candles and say nice things about my mom before we eat.  The holidays bring forth their own set of feelings of loss.

 

 

Each of these times, I rely on self-care to get me through.

 

 

Now that I am a few years out from acute grief, I can feel it coming on – almost like a cold. And just like when I feel a cold coming on, I double down on my self-care.

 

 

What will you do when the shit hits the fan?

 

 

 

Related posts:

Grief and Coming Out of Hiding

Two Key Components of Living Through Loss

The Sassy Agnostic Girl’s Guide to Loss and Grief Resources