Do you know your Enneagram Type?
The Enneagram is a personality typing framework that helps us better understand ourselves. It shows us what makes us tick, what our highest version of ourselves looks like, what our lowest version of ourselves looks like and what drives us crazy. It shows us our blind spots.
There are 9 Enneagram types and each has its own fears, desires, motivations and core needs. Each of the types has “good” and “bad” aspects and no one type is better than the other. (Although you might not believe that once you identify your own type.) It’s common to see bits of ourselves in each type, but we all have one core type that doesn’t change over time.
I just learned mine recently and it has kinda blown my mind. Reading about my type I could see straight away my least attractive coping mechanisms when I am stressed. I shared it with my husband and he exclaimed, “Have these people been following you around?!?”
Anne Bogel calls the Enneagram chapter of Reading People – “Confront Your Junk”. This seems like a fair assessment.
When we confront our junk, we can make better, less reactive choices in our lives. We can start down a path of self-acceptance and we can become the highest version of ourselves. This is really what self-knowledge is all about.
The Nine Enneagram Types:
Information is from Reading People: How Seeing the World Through The Lens of Personality Changes Everything + The Enneagram Institute
One: The Reformer (the need to be perfect)
Two: The Helper (the need to be needed)
Three: The Achiever (the need to succeed)
Four: The Individualist (the need to be special)
Five: The Investigator (the need to perceive)
Six: The Loyalist (the need for security)
Seven: The Enthusiast (the need to avoid pain)
Eight: The Challenger (the need to be against)
Nine: The Peacemaker (the need to avoid)
If you’d like more information about the Enneagram types and why you should care, you can check out the Selfie Podcast. In their 10 part Enneagram Series Kristen and Sarah dive into what it means to be each type and interview people who live in each type.
Interested in finding your Enneagram type? There are two ways to do that!
Option ONE: I did not take a test because the reading through the descriptions make it abundantly clear my type. You know you’ve gotten to your type when you cringe really hard. Your type is the one which makes you sweaty under your armpits.
Option TWO: Or you can check out this post for Enneagram test options.
What’s your Enneagram type? What did you learn about yourself?
My clients hire me because they have a problem they haven’t been able to solve on their own. Sometimes their issue is at work, sometimes at home and sometimes it shows up both places. Each client had been working on their issue by themselves, sometimes for years, without reaching their goals. My clients hire me as their coach because they want to solve the problem and what they are doing on their own isn’t working.
My coaching clients hire me to help move them beyond where they were on their own. Together we come up with a new plan with fresh ideas she has never thought of before. We examine the issue, what they’ve already done on their own and talk through possibilities for different outcomes. We discover what they want and what changes need to be made in their lives in order to reach their goals.
I wanted to get better at something
and I needed help to do that.
Some of the reasons my clients have hired me are:
- She wants to get better at work life balance because all she does it work. (Yes, it can exist!)
- She wants to get to know herself better so she knows she is on the right path.
- She wants to figure out how to set herself up now for a future happy, healthy retirement.
- She wants help preparing for her next career move, promotion, change, or side hustle.
- She wants prioritize herself and self-care so she stops feeling so overwhelmed.
- She wants to make peace with difficult people in her life at home, in her family or at work.
- She wants to help give herself the time to dream about a perfect for her future
- She wants help with the nuts and bolts of self-care: getting more sleep, creating health habits, meditation.
- She wants to make peace with food and her body, to stop emotional eating and start living her life.
- She wants to start dating again after divorce.
My role as a coach is to help my clients figure out what they want and how to get there. I don’t give advice, instead I ask tons of questions to see patterns in behaviors, beliefs and assumptions and to uncover what is getting in the way of my clients reaching her goals. She comes up with solutions and strategies and we work together to create accountability.
Working with a coach is different than working with a therapist. Click here for the differences.
The benefits of working with a coach are:
— fresh perspective on personal challenges
– enhanced decision-making skills
– greater interpersonal effectiveness
– greater confidence
– increased productivity
– greater satisfaction in life
– setting and reaching goals
If you’d like to learn more about my experience working with a coach you can read about it here.
If working with a coach is something you are interested in, click here to learn more about working with me – either in the Self-Care SOS or Life Satisfaction Sessions.
I have 2 new client spots available in May – be sure to book your Are We A Good Fit session now.
Last year I was lucky enough to have a conversation with Mara Glatzel about Tend(ing to our deepest needs).
In this interview we talk about:
- My daily self-care (low or no cost) practices.
- How I use my smartphone to help me practice self-care.
- How I always feel like I am the highest maintenance person in the room and ultimately why that is ok with me.
- How NOT practicing self-care is selfish.
- The name of my inner mean girl and how I work with her.
- What makes life sustainable.
- What we are teaching our kids.
- How I stumbled upon the secret of sustainable self-care because of a really immature action.
- And so much more!
I hope you’ll take a listen and think about how you will TEND to yourself from here on out.
What would life look and feel like if you tended to yourself properly?
Have you ever wondered why some people are so confident?
Have you ever noticed a confidence gap between men and women?
Would you like to be more confident?
If the answer is yes, be sure to check out this episode of the Hey Jen Cooper podcast where Jen and I talk all things confidence.
What’s your confidence like?
Time is finite. We only get 168 hours each week. That’s why it is important to understand where you are spending your life hours. Once time is gone, it is gone.
Either you make your priorities fit into your schedule or you don’t.
But what about energy?
Energy can be renewable, flexible, infinite (up to a point).
We need to know where our energy comes from and learn how to manage it.
So many people say they don’t have enough time for self-care or living with intention. I would argue that what they are really feeling is a lack of energy and a lack of priorities.
Do you know where you get your energy?
Are you someone who is revved up after a party where you talked to a lot of people? Or would you rather have one deep conversation at the party?
Are you quick on your feet or do you need some time to gather your thoughts before you feel ready to answer?
After spending a day alone do you feel drained or energized?
If you answered yes to the first parts of these questions – you might be an extrovert. Contrary to popular belief, extroversion has nothing to do with being outgoing. It simply means you get your energy from spending time with other people.
If you answered yes to the second parts of the questions – you might be an introvert. Contrary to popular belief, introversion has nothing to do with being shy. It simply means you get your energy from spending time alone.
I bring this up because so many people – including me – have confused me as being an extrovert because of my outgoing nature.
If you are somewhere in the middle, you might be an ambivert – a bit of both.
Why does it matter?
If matters because unlike time which is finite, you can make more energy depending on what activities you engage in throughout your days.
For example, I was utterly exhausted at the end of every single day I spent as a classroom teacher. I was surrounded by 20-35 students all day long and constantly having to move from activity to activity if I was ready or not. Most of the time I felt like a broken electrical line in a windstorm being repeatedly smacked on the ground. I was a frazzled and exhausted.
Now that I work from home, alone most of the day and when I am in contact with others, diving deep into meaningful conversations I feel energized at the end of my day. I have the energy to do the stuff in my life that needs to be done because I have managed my energy throughout the day.
Before I learned about my temperament, on weekends where I had a lot of plans – parties, lots of socializing with acquaintances, etc. I would feel like I needed a vacation from my weekend.
Now that I know I thrive after time spent alone, I make sure to prioritize that into my self-care plan.
Self-knowledge gives us the tools to make self-care decisions based on who you are and what makes you tick.
If you’d like to learn if you are an extrovert, introvert or ambivert, check out the quiz over at Quiet Revolution.
Yesterday marked the third anniversary of my mom’s death. Three years living without my mom. Three years parenting without my mom. Three years of me coming to terms with being someone who lives with grief.
Here’s one of the secrets about grief: it changes, but never really disappears.
When someone who has loved you the longest dies, that’s when the shit hits the fan.
I remember the exact moment I found out she died.
My daughter and I were just about to leave our weekly playdate with Candace and her kids. We were going home for nap time and to wait for papa to come home so I could get some work done. I was super thankful to have spent the morning with another mama and her boys letting the kids get dirty, explore, run and fight it out. I was also ready to head home for some quiet time.
My phone, in my hand as usual, lit up and caught my attention. Too many notifications, I thought to myself as I casually looked down to see the transcribed voicemail from my brother.
In that moment, I felt a momentary spark of clarity about the direction of my life and then the shock of blinding pain as if I’d been cracked across my nose with a two by four.
My mom was dead.
What now? What do you do when the shit hits the fan?
The answer then as it is now: self-care.
That day, self-care looked like letting Candace feed me and my daughter lunch from her garden. I wasn’t really hungry – the shock turned quickly to numbness – but Candace reminded me what I already knew. I needed to feed and tend to myself so I could still get up in the morning to take care of my daughter.
I needed extra rest and sleep so I could get up in the morning. I needed quiet time and alone time so I could get up in the morning. I needed to be so tender with myself so I could get up in the morning. I needed to allow people to help me so I could get up in the morning. I needed to allow myself to feel the pain of losing my mom and be ok with whatever form grief took.
In short, I needed deep self-care.
Three years in and I will say I am still deeply moved with every anniversary, every birthday and every holiday.
That means each March, I set aside time to grieve however it shows up. Each 4th of July, I bake a treat so my little family can light candles and say nice things about my mom before we eat. The holidays bring forth their own set of feelings of loss.
Each of these times, I rely on self-care to get me through.
Now that I am a few years out from acute grief, I can feel it coming on – almost like a cold. And just like when I feel a cold coming on, I double down on my self-care.
What will you do when the shit hits the fan?
Grief and Coming Out of Hiding
Two Key Components of Living Through Loss
The Sassy Agnostic Girl’s Guide to Loss and Grief Resources